In the past month I have heard “Man, I just wish I could be gay”, a handful of times when talking with friends and strangers about life, relationships and just about anything else in a social environment. Again, Ill repeat and add, a straight man saying,  “Man, I just wish I could be gay”, as if it would be the solution to the topic currently being discussed. When looking back I chuckled and wanted to let my emotions roll on both sides of this notion, as these were friends or strangers who likely did not know my sexual preferences, clearly did not mean to offend, and I wasn’t going to take this opportunity of openness to correct or impose their judgment upon my life. The more I think about life and living as a bisexual man I realized I can see so many sides of life that I feel many are naive to in the expansiveness of sexuality and relationships that we all live. I have been in relationships with men and women, of ages older and younger and have been the ears to many others in life as I have taken my role as a healer and it is from this perspective that I write.  

What I wouldn’t give to find the gut feelings of others when they “wish to be gay”; where the heck is there a silver lining in this? I want to jump back with “Have you ever stood beside the person of your dreams, the light of your life, the most beautiful being in your eyes and have someone snarl or cringe as their eyes drop upon your clasped hands?” Or how about have you ever walked into a room of brothers chatting and living it up about life goals, relationships and the like and strike a silence of awkwardness as not to offend? Or was it to impose? Or do they genuinely see all sides of your life as gross, strange or foreign because you share intimacy with another gay man? I could stand offended, yet they have no idea what that feeling could be that I’m trying to impose on their lack of experience. Then I think, “Or is it the strength and poise we show in these moments to not break our proud stature or the nose and neck of those who see us as offensive and let it roll, knowing we are beautiful, loved, human and whole?” If not for the strength and gall to stand a literal fight at times to live and love our partner, then is it for the freedom of expression we stand to emulate in every fashion accessory, manicured brow or full on drag queen Friday night look for his favorite crowd? Coincidentally, as we dip into the acceptably straight “metrosexual” fashion lines, we do so at the rise of the feminization of the gay man that, I feel, stands to drive a wedge between all men, for what purpose?

How is it that we have come to be objectified and idolized by the same population? The same men at the core of passion, love and compassion that cry with their wives during death or sorrow, are allowed to cry with their gay brothers in the loss of a friend, or heartbreak in life just the same. When you objectify the gay population based on their sexual characteristics, you stand to slight and separate the entire male population and further pit one against another. We already have to stand tall in the physical and emotional storms of life, acquire resources for ourselves and family, protect our partners and property and build strong our physical bodies and those of our lineage to pass on our wisdom and essential knowledge of life that this future is dependent upon, why add more? I ask for you all to “wish to be gay” everyday; as at his core, I feel, every gay man just seeks to be human, bright and alive in whatever form the day brings. Doesn’t gay just mean happy anyway?

 Now re-read and replace gay/bisexual and happy… think about it

In the past month I have heard “Man, I just wish I could be happy”, a handful of times when talking with friends and strangers about life, relationships and just about anything else in a social environment. Again, Ill repeat and add, a straight man saying,  “Man, I just wish I could be happy”, as if it would be the solution to the topic currently being discussed. When looking back I chuckled and wanted to let my emotions roll on both sides of this notion, as these were friends or strangers who likely did not know my sexual preferences, clearly did not mean to offend, and I wasn’t going to take this opportunity of openness to correct or impose their judgment upon my life. The more I think about life and living as a happy man I realized I can see so many sides of life that I feel many are naive to the expansiveness of sexuality and relationships. I have been in relationships with men and women, of ages older and younger and have been the ears to many others in life as I have taken my role as a healer and it is from this perspective that I write.  

What I wouldn’t give to find the gut feelings of others when they “wish to be happy”; where the heck is there a silver lining in this? I want to jump back with “Have you ever stood beside the person of your dreams, the light of your life, the most beautiful being in your eyes and have someone snarl or cringe as their eyes drop upon your clasped hands?” Or how about have you ever walked into a room of brothers chatting and living it up about life goals, relationships and the like and strike a silence of awkwardness as not to offend? Or was it to impose? Or do they genuinely see all sides of your life as gross, strange or foreign because you share intimacy with another happy man? I could stand offended, yet they have no idea what that feeling could be that I’m trying to impose on their lack of experience. Then I think, “Or is it the strength and poise we show in these moments to not break our proud stature or the nose and neck of those who see us as offensive and let it roll, knowing we are beautiful, loved, human and whole?” If not for the strength and gall to stand a literal fight at times to live and love our partner, then is it for the freedom of expression we stand to emulate in every fashion accessory, manicured brow or full on drag queen Friday night look for his favorite crowd? Coincidentally, as we dip into the acceptably straight “metrosexual” fashion lines, we do so at the rise of the feminization of the happy man that, I feel, stands to drive a wedge between all men, for what purpose?

How is it that we have come to be objectified and idolized by the same population? The same men at the core of passion, love and compassion that cry with their wives during death or sorrow are allowed to cry with their happy brothers in the loss of a friend, or heartbreak in life just the same. When you objectify the happy population based on their sexual characteristics, you stand to slight and separate the entire male population and further pit one against another. We already have to stand tall in the physical and emotional storms of life, acquire resources for ourselves and family, protect our partners and property and build strong our physical bodies and those of our lineage to pass on our wisdom and essential knowledge of life that this future is dependent upon, why add more? I ask for you all to “wish to be happy” everyday; as at his core, I feel, every happy man just seeks to be human, bright and alive in whatever form the day brings. Doesn’t happy just mean gay anyway?

 

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